57. Georgia II
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57. "Normalizing Phenomena"
Georgia is a mirror for my own personal and professional development. We talk today about following vocation and struggling with permission. There is a new recognition of embodying self-authorship that transforms how we interact with the world.
Transcript
Lezley (00:12):
This is part of the woman stuff. What fucking role do we have in life to be spiritual leaders?
Georgia (00:20):
What's been given? Who? Yeah.
Lezley (00:23):
What institutions, what avenues
Georgia (00:32):
We're making it up. Exactly. How do you figure that out? Unless you just go exploring
Lezley (00:38):
Well and what we've been doing. Have you ever felt like a fucking loser? You're just tried this, didn't work, tried that, didn't work. Try, try, try, try. And I felt like, how the fuck, who are these people that know when they're eight, what they're going to do with their life and focus every second of their life just building that reality and amazingly successful by the time they're 30 because they've just poured everything into that. I know so many artists who were that and are amazingly accomplished now and successful, but they knew I didn't fucking know. There's no nurturance or institution or teachers queued into spot the spiritual leaders up in our society. No, none of that. Especially not as women, and especially not in a non-religion. I grew up non-religious, and don't get me wrong, I don't want to be a religious spiritual leader.
Georgia (01:48):
I know that already. It doesn't even need to be said out loud. I definitely know that already. What the f Right. But you're right. Spot the spiritual leaders. That's huge. I mean, can you think of, yeah, I felt like an asshole trying things and they didn't work. But I'll tell you what, those times were far and few between. If I really look at it, it's like Midas touch. It's like, okay, let me do this thing. Oh, I'm totally accepted. It's working. I can do it well enough that I make a connection with somebody. They see something, I make another connection. So you got to know when those things start to happen. And I didn't grow up with a stringent spiritual life. I don't even know, where's that word coming from? Stringent spiritual life. I don't even know. But I didn't grow up being demanded to go to church. And as a matter of fact, I think I was around 12, 13, 14, me and my sibs and my folks just said, you guys can continue going through church if you want to. But all that stuff counts when you think, when I think about where I am today, I'm glad you said that, where I am today, and yes, that's the multipotentialite. You are a teacher. You are a spiritualist, you are a mentor. You are so many things, right? But yes, definitely high priestess energy, right?
Lezley (03:31):
Yeah.
Georgia (03:31):
So walking
Lezley (03:33):
That whole high priestess of holy shit thing, I don't know if you're familiar with that. That was a joke, tongue in cheek joke from whatever, 10 years ago. Oh, no, that's fucking true and real.
Georgia (03:49):
Oh my God. That's why I say you're right. But that's why I say now what were we talking about in the very beginning? Just the default is to step away from intuition. But now when people think about that high priestess, holy, holy shit, they're like, oh God, she was right. Eat. Now, if they're open enough, they see that. Things that were just mildly put out there. I'm not trying to step in front of anybody and preach anything. I don't even know what I would preach, to be honest. And maybe it's enough to just do the art. That's enough. But I feel like it's time to step out. It's time.
Lezley (04:42):
Yeah, absolutely. It is. You're right. I feel that too.
Georgia (04:46):
Yeah.
Lezley (04:48):
I have holy shit to say.
Georgia (04:50):
There you go. I want to hear that. Holy shit. A lot of it. This is like a new school.
Lezley (05:04):
It is.
Georgia (05:06):
Yeah.
Lezley (05:06):
Yeah, you're right. That's actually really accurate. It is a new school
Georgia (05:11):
Because the framework is feminist. Right. And it's about in the academia terms, or maybe there are just no creative arts terms, like the relationality of it and normalizing phenomena. Right.
Lezley (05:34):
Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Georgia (05:37):
As I say, these things, what's happening to me is I think they're perfect titles for paintings. That's where my mind is going. Oh, spot the spiritual. But yeah, so much has changed. When I look at you and I,
Lezley (05:56):
Same girl. Same. Same. You came in to Michael's. I don't know. When did you first get the job for the college?
Georgia (06:09):
So it was the August of 2023.
Lezley (06:14):
Okay. You came in, you're like, I got this. I got to go change my hair. I got to be more professional. I was like, I love your hair. And look at your hair. Here I am. This is it. I love this. I can leave it. I love seeing that in you. I love it.
Georgia (06:37):
I love you for
Lezley (06:37):
That. I see it. And I feel like, yeah, it's like permission. And I hate fucking feeling. Like I need permission. I don't need permission from anyone for anything. But fuck, that's ingrained. And I look at you and I'm like, Ooh, permission.
Georgia (06:52):
Oh, thank you. Thank you for saying that out loud. I feel not even, I don't seek validation either, but I secretly will tell people when they validate me who I want to do that.
Lezley (07:10):
Right, right. Because it, it's all still happening. And I look at men and I think, oh, they don't seek permission or validation. They probably do too.
Georgia (07:21):
Probably do.
Lezley (07:22):
They just, oh hell. Different or low key or whatever about
Georgia (07:25):
It. It's true. It's true. It's some more palis Santo. Yeah. So what's your greatest curiosity around maybe this work you're doing, being in and moving through it?
Lezley (07:55):
Well, a big part of it. Okay. I'll tell you a story. The big part of it is dissolving. What's happening there is that incense.
Georgia (08:06):
Oh, it's just,
Lezley (08:08):
Oh, you said that. And I have no idea what that is. What is
Georgia (08:14):
It? Oh, it's a wood. It's a wood that I don't know anything else other than I know healers use it. I know Reiki masters use it, and sometimes it's just a symbol of cleansing the space. Okay. Alright.
Lezley (08:31):
Yeah. So I'm just interested right now in following vocation as well as I can, which means coming up against everything that's fucking scaring the shit out of me and moving through it, which has been happening. Can I tell you can a story? Can I tell you about December?
Georgia (08:55):
Tell me about December. My God.
Lezley (08:57):
So two things happened in December that have been major blocks to me being more public and free in what I say in the world. One was a video of mine on TikTok got picked up and a lot of people were very angry about what I said and said I was harmful. And someone called me a parasite. And so they were stitching my TikTok and it was all awful. And I didn't respond because at first I had a sleep. This is a thing that I do now. I don't make any decisions or do shit until I have a sleep,
Georgia (09:38):
Rest
Lezley (09:39):
Until I rest. And so then I thought, oh, I'm going to do a response video. And nothing felt good. Nothing felt right, nothing felt like peace. So I just let it go. And I did nothing. I did nothing except feel my feelings of fear and ask myself, would you do it differently? Would you do it differently? And I wouldn't. I would have done the exact same thing and said all the same things. And I believe in what I said and how I said it and why I said it. And I realized I don't have to prove myself to anyone. I don't have to explain to anyone why I do anything. And it all just melted away. As long as I can be connected and rooted in what I'm doing and why, that's all that's required. And that was huge.
Georgia (10:35):
That is huge.
Lezley (10:36):
I'm getting chills again. That was huge. And I understood, okay, I can speak my truth in the world. I can follow vocation and I can speak truth because as long as I know, and it doesn't mean that I'm not open to learning or being wrong. Do you know what I mean? And being corrected and being taught.
Georgia (10:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not what's more open than anything. To come to a place where I don't have to, knowing that you don't have to explain yourself.
Lezley (11:05):
I don't have to explain myself to anyone for anything.
Georgia (11:10):
What does it mean? I want to No, I agree with that a hundred percent. And some people call that, well, I don't have any more filters. No, it's just about being truthful to you first and not even first. It's just being truthful within yourself.
Lezley (11:27):
It's just standing in truth. Standing in what I believe in, standing for what I believe in and showing up in the world in what I believe is true and centered and whole. Loving inclusion, beloved presence, standing in the world and beloved presence,
Georgia (11:46):
Loving inclusion.
Lezley (11:49):
Yeah. That's beloved presence. That's all. That's real. It's the only thing that's fucking real in 20, 30 years that I've learned is loving inclusion. It's the only thing that's fucking real.
Georgia (12:04):
What does loving inclusion, in your opinion, if it had a sound, what would it sound like? Or would it have a sound that might, okay. Yeah. Yeah. What about if it had a color purple in how it feels? What would it feel like?
Lezley (12:48):
A hug.
Georgia (12:49):
A hug. Yeah. Not even like that. Even to get to there, I was thinking, okay, maybe she'll say smooth glass or a piece of glass or wood, but a hug. So thinking about, I'm now trying to think about if I could imagine a hug. Yeah. If it had a taste, what would it taste like? Loving inclusion. What would it taste like? You to,
Lezley (13:29):
To me. Coffee.
Georgia (13:35):
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I like that answer. Yeah. I want to give my feedback too about what you just said, because shouldn't go without some kind of aesthetic response or some kind of response. I wrote down the word vocation. It's a word I've used, and I kind of really want to clear the word, because the first thing you said was, I try to stay. Did you say manage my vocation or stay with,
Lezley (14:13):
I think it was follow vocation.
Georgia (14:15):
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
Lezley (14:17):
I think so. I'm not sure. But yeah, I dunno. Follow vocation tends to be the way I see it, which is vocation, the core. You love words. I love words. I'm constantly looking up in etymology. So look up the root of vocation and you'll be, oh shit.
Georgia (14:36):
Yeah. That's what I was dying to do while,
Lezley (14:39):
Yeah, well fucking do it. Let me stop you from do it,
Georgia (14:43):
Man. Yeah. I wanted to give you attention.
Lezley (14:47):
I appreciate that. But your attention on my words is also love.
Georgia (14:52):
True, true, true, true. Okay,
Lezley (14:57):
While you're looking, can I tell you the second story that happened in December?
Georgia (15:01):
In December? Yes. Tell me
Lezley (15:04):
So I can't even say their name
Georgia (15:08):
Because
Lezley (15:09):
Of what happened. So I speak to the dead. So I, for the first time, shared a message, a conversation that I had with a dead celebrity, and I shared it on social media. And within two hours, their estate contacted me and threatened legal action. And not just that, but they called me lacking a moral compass, and that I was corrupt and just like a lot of awful things. And they sent me six emails within a 12 hour period on a Saturday and Sunday before Christmas. And I was initially shit scared because these two together being public, hate from the public legal action, the two giant fears I have about being public, about anything,
Georgia (16:08):
Anything.
Lezley (16:11):
And so I, I went through my website and took every single allusion to him down. They're still on my email list.
Georgia (16:21):
They're still monitoring happens.
Lezley (16:23):
They're still watching me to make sure that I don't say his name, use the cover of his book, say any of his books or anything. So I'm like, all right, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Georgia (16:45):
But how did you come to
Lezley (16:50):
I love him. I love him so much. His book was a central piece of me reconnecting to my Celtic spirituality. He was essential, an essential mentor. And I found his book around the same time that I had my Celtic reconnecting with my ancestors and became embodied in the first time in my life, embodied to my ancestral lineage. And I understood who I am. It's ancient. And the things about myself that didn't fit in are ancestral.
Georgia (17:35):
That's what I was asking you. I wonder if you don't know
Lezley (17:38):
Who you, oh fuck, that's been, it's literally a second mystical event. I had a first one when I was 20. This is the second one. One was spiritual, one was universal connection. This is identity in a body.
Georgia (17:54):
Yeah, yeah, of course it is. Now you've embodied, right?
Lezley (18:02):
I'm embodied, right. I'm learning how to be embodied
Georgia (18:04):
Too. Yes, yes, yes,
Lezley (18:06):
Yes. Us also. But yeah, he was just so exactly what I needed at the time to connect to heart Celtic spiritual heart. And they were not having it. They were not having that at all. So I went to him again, I talked to him again afterwards, and I'm like, what the fuck
Georgia (18:29):
Was that? What
Lezley (18:30):
The fuck was that? And he said, yeah, they love me. They think they're protecting me. They think they're protecting my message and my continued presence in the world. I'm like, all right.
Georgia (18:46):
Isn't it interesting if he was that much of a muse in a sense to your transformation or beginnings of how much does his family even embody themselves operate in that in honor of who he was and what he produced in the world and how he impacted, they're not practicing it seemingly, unless it was a total attack, which I can't imagine if the first thing you say is, I love him.
Lezley (19:22):
Right? I love him. And they accused me of basically trying to profit off him. And part of me was like, I wish I was profiting. But
Georgia (19:35):
That's the default. Again, let's go external. Let's not use our intuition and see who she is, what her experience, where is her story and
Lezley (19:49):
What came out for me. And she also said that he would've hated what I had done, which I know is not true, but whatever. That's fine. It's what I know. And there was a couple of things that I realized. Threats of legal action are not legal action
Georgia (20:09):
Thoughts only are not. Right.
Lezley (20:12):
That's not legal action. And the second is that, oh, this is part of the witch wound. This is another attempt at keeping women silent and not allowing us to practice our intuitive and spiritual gifts and not sharing them in the world and not profiting from them. That whole idea, I'm just going to say this, that whole idea of, oh, don't charge money for your spiritual gifts. Now, who the fuck said that? Who made that up?
Georgia (20:44):
The male?
Lezley (20:44):
Why?
Georgia (20:45):
Yeah.
Lezley (20:46):
Why can't profit from gifts that I've been given that I can use in the world.
Georgia (20:52):
Yeah, exactly. I think it's how the world should have evolved and shaped itself
Lezley (20:59):
And will.
Georgia (21:00):
Yeah. We need all of those pieces.
Lezley (21:03):
We need all of those pieces, and they're all valuable, and they all deserve to be compensated. I deserve to be able to live based on my gifts. To me, that's another patriarchal fucking oh. Oh, well, don't what preachers aren't profiting off their ability to preach what
Georgia (21:25):
It is not. What the fuck? None of this is a surprise. None of it, even none of it is a surprise. None of it even warrants the beat down that we utilize our energy around. Honestly, it's open. It's right there.
Lezley (21:42):
Well, okay, have you noticed that? That's the difference. It's no longer about trying to convince anyone that I'm valuable. It's just let me find the space in this world to just widen open my being here.
Georgia (21:56):
Yeah. Your purpose.
Lezley (21:58):
My purpose is, and let's just go, and we'll do that. And it'll widen open for me.
Georgia (22:05):
Yeah. That slow chipping away to finally open the space though is what is the right. Yeah.
Lezley (22:16):
Don't you feel like we're doing, I mean, maybe this has been happening for thousands of years, but something feels really new here. Now what I'm talking about, it just feels like, alright, go. The shackles are off. Whatever had us in our heads think we were in jail. It's gone.
Georgia (22:36):
Let
Lezley (22:36):
Me just,
Georgia (22:38):
Yeah, we're moving through that other school and this moving through school. Yes.
Lezley (22:44):
Yeah.
Georgia (22:46):
This is a gathering right now.
Lezley (22:49):
Yes.
Georgia (22:50):
Only two of us here, but visibly only two of us here. But there's more. But it's a gathering of, for me, making sense of the direction I'm going in, the things I'm picking up and why.
Lezley (23:07):
Yeah. Well, there's a way I found I have to sometimes say something out loud, because if I keep it in here, I don't fucking get it. It's got to be articulated. And the best thing is speaking to another person who gets it and then reflects that back to me with your own understanding. And then it deepens for me. It lands back in me. Nice. I can own
Georgia (23:33):
It. I am going to hit that with an attack now because I just wrote down fear of the forwardness of this. Now I'm here safe in the zoom room. Right. How do I, okay, well, this is a thing that I'm working on, letting go of the old persona of what folks have told you. You are right. And I'm trying to keep letting go of that stuff. And I think what you said, keeping it up here, maybe this is helping saying it out loud that should I be thinking ahead of who's going to see this broadcast? And actually, I don't have a fear of it, but I think about it and yeah, I don't know what my point was, but fear is I'm befriending it. The fear of people hearing the real Georgia or parts of the Georgia that all of me is real, but parts that they're not accustomed to hearing, seeing. Right. Oh, it's that same thing though. How can you be a this and believe this, and how can you be a that and believe this? That is fucking confusion. If you hold on to that stuff all the time, you will be running from left to right unless you want to run from left to right.
Lezley (25:02):
Yeah. Yeah. No, well, that's the vocation for me. It's the vocation part. Again, the return to my only purpose here is to fucking express soul in the world as best as I can. Yeah. That's it. That's it. Everything else is just external details. That's the only purpose. That's the only vocation. But I get you. I think about people I went to grade school and high school with. They're the ones that really like, oh my God, she's going to see this. That the biggest problem. She's to say, what a fucking blah, blah, whatever. She's not going to understand anything that I'm saying. Why do I care? Why do I even think of her? Why do I even think of her messaging? Maybe that's a call for me then. Okay, go in and find out.
Georgia (25:52):
Why do front it?
Lezley (25:53):
Yeah. Yeah. All right. Oh God, that just made me really uncomfortable and nervous.
Georgia (26:00):
Yeah. But it's a thing, right? It's a reality. Totally thing. Yeah,
Lezley (26:04):
Totally thing. And that's that intuition that you were talking about. That's about the paying attention. Hey, that didn't come up for no reason.
Georgia (26:11):
Yeah.
Lezley (26:11):
That's there to be like, look at me.
Georgia (26:14):
Yeah, exactly what I mean. That's exactly what I mean.
Lezley (26:18):
Yeah.
Lezley (26:20):
Fuck. All right. Oh my God. Hey folks. So I looked at what those girls from my childhood meant to me and why I felt triggered and scared to think of them seeing me now and judging me now being in my life at all now. And I did my practice. I did my conversations with the unseen, and who are the wisest, best coaches ever, who always lead me back to the right questions? And I want to share with you some of the insight. So I was asked to connect to what the image of these girls from my childhood mean to me, because they're an image that I created. It has nothing to do with who they are as people. It's my interaction with them, and it's my perspective and creation of meaning around their personalities and how I feel when I'm around them. And so I was asked, what does the image of these girls mean to me?
Lezley (27:51):
They are girls in my head, when I think of the fear and vulnerability that I have, it's as a child. It's as an elementary school person, an elementary school girl, not as a grown woman. And so I went into it, and this person will call her Whitney, and the second one will call her Karen, Whitney and Karen. They were cool. They were popular. Everyone liked them. They were very powerful because they were charismatic and they could sway the class to be involved in really awful kind of bullying things. Whitney had lackeys. She literally had lackeys. She would release them onto people who she was mad at the time, or who triggered her or made her feel some kind of way. No one in the class would stick up for the person being bullied because, and this is from my own perspective, because when I wasn't being bullied, I was just grateful that I wasn't the one being bullied because it felt awful.
Lezley (29:06):
It really is just an awful feeling to have your entire class either turn against you and actively humiliate and threaten and be aggressive towards you, or conversely, watch the rest of the class, do nothing to look away or watch engaged and enjoying. Honestly, Lord of the Flies type of situation. Elementary school is awful. And then I was asked what it remind me of, and that whole situation, everything with Whitney and Karen reminded me of my childhood, my relationship specifically with my dad, but with both parents and just the feeling of unfairness and not having deserved the attack and not knowing how to respond, not knowing what I'd done, not knowing how I could be safe. And my desire was just to not attract attention. That was the safest course of action, was to not attract attention, to not be seen, to not be noticed. If you weren't seen and you weren't noticed, then you weren't on the bully radar.
Lezley (30:34):
And that's one of the major wounds that I'm healing now, is my relationship with being seen and showing up in the world authentically and sovereignly. So this is all very timely. And then I was given the reflection of the fact that for both Whitney and Karen, I sought them out as friends, that on occasions, multiple times throughout my life, I have reached out and invited them into my home and met them and been friends. And it's never lasted, and it's never been very good. But I was asked finally, why would I reach out to people that I don't feel safe with, who do not seem to value me or treat me in a way that I want to be treated? And I made the connection. It's like the myth of lost love and the desire of dating someone who is similar to your parents, because there's a need in there that if this person will love me and treat me the way I want to be treated, then I can heal the wound of my child who wanted that from my caregivers.
Lezley (32:00):
Aw. So sad, but so relatable and understandable. So yeah, of course. So what is true and what's true is that my treatment by anyone is not my responsibility. That hatred or envy or disgust, any perspective outside of me, towards me is none of my business and not my responsibility. Haters are not my responsibility. I'm not responsible for anyone's reaction to me. I'm responsible me and for how I feel and how I relate to the world and what I share and what I do. And that's it. That's a freedom. That's a freedom. That it's a freedom and a power and a sovereignty that is well won because of the return to picking up all the pieces of myself that I gave over to others, gave my power and my wellbeing and my sovereignty over to others and how they felt about me. And I made it my fault, and I made it my responsibility. And it's not. That's wonderful. Oh, I'm just going to read this. You're not responsible for people that hate you. You're not responsible for anyone's feelings about you, including love and gratitude. So thanks for being here. Okay. Love you. Bye.
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Georgia is a mirror for my own personal and professional development. We talk today about following vocation and struggling with permission. There is a new recognition of embodying self-authorship that transforms how we interact with the world.