My Struggle with Witches
Witches are delicious.
I love the vibe and sisterhood and earthiness of the Green Witch, the Hedge Witch. I love the fantasy and magic and power associated with witches and witchery, but I have struggled to identify with the term.
Abby Cox talks a lot about the politics, feminism and misogyny involved in the development of the witch identity - and I’m here for that too.
I’ve been baptised in the witches fashion, in a circle, with a coven at the crossroads, at night in a forest. That night I dreamed of coming upon the circle of my own baptism. The circle was a wall of golden pearl energy that reached so high in the sky that I couldn’t see the end of it. Drawing the circle is real. The energy is real.
I also dreamed of fires and hanging and persecution. That’s what we get when we join community and identity with a group; we take on the sweet and the sour.
I love spiders and I don’t kill them. This is the home of a beautiful fat barn funnel spider who is taking care of business. Of course, this would horrify my mother and it’s definitely judged at as “gross and dirty” - but I don’t care. [It’s also where we get the motif of spider webs for at Hallowe’een/Samhain - because those of us who love spiders end up with gobs of cobs by fall.]
Spider will move along when it gets cold and I can suck up this web and they will make another one somewhere else in the house in spring. Last year they were in the bathroom window. They can live up to 7 years inside. I love them and am endlessly fascinated. Yes, they are a bit creepy, but I kind of love that too.
Also - if you’re a writer, pay attention to the spider. They are the creators of all alphabets and the guardians and protectors of words and stories.
I want to. I want to be a witch, but I just... ugh.
It's the spell casting and the rules and rituals. Maybe I don't get it.
Honestly, maybe I've just encountered really rigid, ritualistic witches but I don't vibe with the pomp and circumstance and ceremony.
I don't vibe with Gerald Gardner or Aleister Crowley and that whole thing.
To me, they applied a culturally appropriated, academic (or fake academia in the case of Gardner), hierarchical, authoritative approach to a wisdom tradition that is rooted in a very personal and direct communication process with the natural world that is guided and nourished by the community.
Crowley and Gardner were both middle-upper class wealthy white Englishmen. My knee jerk reaction is that they can fuck off with any claim to how I practice my earth wisdom traditions.
No shade to you if this is your jam. I don't vibe but I surely don't think it's wrong or sideways for you to do so.
Reconnecting with Celtic culture is a challenge in that there hasn't been a lot of source material from which to learn. There has however, been an abundance of sloppy research and "scholarship" published pre-2000's that has supported and spread this brand of appropriated and inaccurate representations of Celtic culture, especially in regards to the Gardners, Crowleys and their associates who have presented romanticized Celtic revival ideas as historical fact.
I'm not a Celtic scholar and I don't wish to be one.
The criticisms of British and North American pagan traditions (Celtic Source podcast is a good place to start) based in romanticized Celtic culture resonates with my own lack of vibe. It has also encouraged me to look critically at my path of Celtic re-connection and decide for myself what the path of reconnecting looks like and what it may include in the future.
Wicca is a valid and legitimate religious practice and any belief system that leads people back to relationship and communication with the natural world is one that I support.
It's just not for me in the incarnations to which I’ve been exposed. I am looking to my Celtic ancestors and the natural world itself to guide my way back to their wisdom.
The Bandraoi + Cailleach
I am Cailleach.
This identity gives me tingles and giggles. It lights me up inside in a way that calling myself a witch does not. There is something ancient and proud and powerful calling me to live this identity in the world.
It’s been in me for a long time and it’s why I call myself a High Priestess of Holy Sh!t - that is Cailleach. It’s why I created Beloved Presence - that is mothaitheacht and anamchara. Beloved Presence is Ceolta na Cruinne.
My Celtic culture is in me, has been since the beginning. I just didn’t understand.
I’m a Celtic witch. I am Bandraoi. I am Cailleach.
These words thrill me.
I Turn to My Ancestors
I am returning to direct, empathic communication with my ancestors because they are here to be heard. They are clamouring… oh, excuse me, no they are not. They are waiting patiently and graciously for me to pay attention to them.
They are sarcastic and hilarious and I love them deeply.
It’s the love that is the magic.
The love between family members is what creates the links that connect us today to our ancient ancestors and ancient wisdom. The love is a direct link from them to us.
They are thrilled that I can hear them.
They are thrilled to hear our lineage speak Gaelic again in the world, even if it’s fumbled or flawed and difficult.
They are thrilled to see the old ways taking root in the world again - because this is an awakening that is happening all over the Earth.
They tell me it’s all real. They tell me to be silent and to hear them and not to doubt because I know what truth is by how it feels in my body.
These are the empathetic ways of knowing.
This is how we return to nature wisdom - by listening to the truth of our bodies that are connected to an ancient lineage of love.
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