I've been doing anger instead of feeling fear
Paul and Jane from ICU.
My class is kicking my ass in the best possible way.
(Paul and Jane have changed the name to “Living a Life that Matters” which is completely accurate.)
I feel like I’m dusting off long forgotten beliefs about myself and the world that have been driving my life in an unconscious way. They’re worn out and don’t actually add anything of value to my life.
Why am I keeping old bones that just weigh me down and make me feel unhappy about myself and my life?
Turns out that it’s in our best interest to take a look at anything that disturbs our sense of peace and happiness. We’re not actually meant to tolerate anxiety and discomfort, but we’ve not been taught how to sit in our discomfort long enough to connect to the information that’s there for us to change things.
Oooh, what kind of horseshit is hiding in here? https://unsplash.com/photos/DevJkLB3hWE
Nope.
We need instant comfort. NOW.
I’ve been fear avoidant for most of my life. Who knew.
I mean, no one likes fear - but I literally didn’t even know I was feeling fear because I’d switch it to anger almost instantly.
Anger is easier than fear
For me.
It’s my default. I switch to anger because fear is too vulnerable. Too unsafe. Too unbearable.
When I’m angry I can DO things. I can feel POWERFUL and make other people uncomfortable and unsafe.
“Doing” anger instead of “feeling” fear. It’s been my biggest avoidance and resistance for my entire life. “Quick! Avoid feeling the fear of your vulnerability and lack of safety!”
Anger was my resistance to the truth.
Anger is my resistance to the truth
Honestly, it looks like now whenever I feel angry I should immediately ask myself “what am I afraid of right now?” because that’s legit what the anger is about.
“What am I afraid of right now?”
Anger is suuuuuper valuable. It’s a red flag that I’m feeling powerless and vulnerable - maybe I’m being treated with disrespect or my boundaries are being invaded. Something is happening to trigger my anger and my anger is showing me that I am afraid.
I spent my life mis-judging anger as an indication that someone else is the problem. I am being treated unfairly and they have to do things differently.
Nope.
They may be treating me unfairly or invading my boundaries, but my anger is about me. My anger is about my fear and vulnerability. My anger is about my fear that I believe that I deserve to be treated unfairly and be invaded. My anger is about my fear that I am too small and weak and vulnerable to protect myself and keep me safe.
Fuck this picture.
Acknowledging fear and then taking loving steps to keep myself safe and express how I expect to be treated and finding solutions to situations that make me feel afraid and vulnerable is powerful fucking sh!t.
Reacting in anger makes someone else into the villain instead of focusing on my feelings and what is necessary for me to do to take care of me. Reacting in anger makes someone else guilty instead of being the Co-Creator of my own life.
When we take care of ourselves in loving care and without blame, we create solutions that are win-win. We can have victory without an enemy.
“What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present and to come, are gently planned by the One Whose only purpose is your good?”
It’s all for you.
Practice being in a state of “I wonder how this could be good for me?” in every situation - and click the button because it’s good for you.
There will always be assholes.
We just don’t have to be bothered by them. Ever.
It sounds like a tall order. Own our own feelings. Accept ourselves and our life and the people in it, as they are. Do what we need to return to peace and happiness. Ask for help and expect to receive it - from others, from Beloved Presence.
It sounds like a Pollyanna joke - until I tried it and it changed how I see the world and my place in it.
Try it. It might change your world too.
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Celtic re-connection has given me the greatest sense of belonging, in the physical world, in this body. All the ways that I have felt alienated from modern Western culture have been healed in the connection to my Celtic roots.