27. The Shadow Work
This is the point.
This is the work that needs to happen in the world. It’s hard work, but it’s simple work. It takes courage and vulnerability and trust. You can do this.
This is the work of owning our feelings and reactions and going through the process of getting to the root and bringing out the diamond of understanding.
The discomfort is worth it.
The pain is worth it because what you are left with is more of you present in the world. You as you are, exactly for who you are. This is the real education of life and path of personal Soul Sovereignty. This is freedom and power, understanding, compassion and empathy. Doing this work makes all of the discomfort worthwhile.
More Storytime
The situation with Dave left me reflective. I could see how Dave was using what I was saying to make me responsible for how he judges himself and his choices. He wants the reaction he had to my words be my responsibility. His reaction to my words was a way for him to distance himself from his own shame and guilt and judgement around his drinking.
None of that was my business.
What was I responsible for?
“I also had an emotional response to his reaction. What was going on for me? What were my emotions teaching me about my beliefs and meaning? ”
Was I judgemental? Yes.
So there was some truth in that.
The goal is not to become emotionless, drifting through life without feeling. The goal is to simply become aware of how we’re feeling and allow our emotions to provide us with the information they have to teach and guide us. It’s important and it’s valuable.
I don’t think he’s bad or wrong to drink. Drinking is a symptom of deeper turmoil. I don’t want to have that level of unconscious intoxication in my life… so my judgement about Dave’s behaviour is a projection of my need to establish boundaries that support my sense of trust and safety.
I hold fear that I might not establish a difficult boundary - even though it may be detrimental for me if I don’t. I have not been firm with boundaries in the past and I’m still building that trust with myself.
For me, this situation was bringing up the stories I was telling myself about my trust that I can be safe in a world where people drink to excess.
This is good to know - because I DO have control over my boundaries and what actions I take and what I allow to happen in my sphere of life.
As a child, I was unable to prevent the interference of drunken adults in my life. Now I have that power and freedom and I can exercise it at will, my will. I’m the adult now and am fully capable and able to establish boundaries and act in consequence if boundaries are ignored. My little inner child needs to know I will action for both of our best interests.
This is the power and freedom of doing the work.
The Practice
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This is from the Being + Belonging teaching. If you're interested you can find out more here.
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My Elders at ICU have been working with an altered version of Byron Katie's 'The Work' for years.
It's helpful to have in this form and may be useful to you.
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A Course in Miracles is a great resource that walks students through gentle development of the practice of Innocence - which is a foundation of Shadow Work.
It can be a challenging read sometimes, but also a great resource to reach for when you need re-direction and divine reminder.
**ACIM is rooted in Christian vocabulary and gendered language which may not be for everyone.
I've written a few things about ACIM. You can find those here.