Within longing is the implied distance between you and your wants and the desire to bring them close. It could be anything in your life; a promotion, relationship, career, feelings of worth, value, achievement, realizing a vocation, feeling safety, security, having children... as many people are alive in the world today, is a drop in the bucket of longings yearning to be realized.

 Often the beginning of the coaching relationship is the actual discovering, accepting and embracing of our very real longings.

In most cases, your longings were not supported or encouraged in childhood. If they were, you would have been well on your way to realizing them by now.

There is some block or resistance to your longing in the first place. You believed the longing was actually unimportant because…

WHY ELSE WOULD NO ONE SUPPORT OR ENCOURAGE YOU IN REALIZING THIS THING?

 So much of growth is unlearning the false beliefs of what we were taught early as “truth”. We must de-condition ourselves of the beliefs we accepted as reality. Beliefs that limit our full experience of Being.

These limits were not imposed in cruelty or abuse (unless it was). Mostly it was done out of the unhealed parental/ancestral traumas inherited unconsciously for generations before us.

Realization of your deepest longings is ancestral healing.

The trigger response to unfiltered expressions of joy by wounded caregivers is to judge and restrict your expression of joy to a level that is comfortable for them.

Every child experiences the restriction of joyful expression as a truthful reflection of the worth of their own expression of self.

We accepted very early that our exuberant expression of the joy of being was wrong and bad and we are wrong and bad and unwanted as we are.

Longings are the Guide

Longings are not an accident. They are the actual way.

Underneath even the most egotistical drive is a deeply felt soul longing that has been disconnected or perverted from it's original need. Egos are driven to feel valued and safe, secure and loved. At the heart of every high-status billionaire is a deeply kept secret desire for unconditional love and safety.

What is the most powerful and persistent longing you have? The one that won't be quiet and won't go away - no matter what else in your life is going great? This longing won't be satisfied by anything but the realization of it's need?

I'm sitting right here in front of you to tell you, that longing is valuable. The most valuable. The most important guide and you will do yourself a disservice if you continue to ignore it.

Until I met my husband Keith (at age 37), finding the love of my life had been my biggest desire. Every other longing was secondary to this deep need for soul partnership.

Once I began to live this new expanded reality of love and relationship - the longing for soul partnership became the doing soul partnership; which made room for another longing to come to focus.

I wasn't able to shift what was coming up. I have never been able to see this longing to fruition. This was a longing I couldn't do alone. (We never actually do our lives alone - we are always helped along the way.)  

I had briefly toyed with the idea of becoming a psychotherapist. It hit almost all the boxes... except the spiritual foundation one. Kind of major and unavoidable. Traditional psychotherapy leaves no room for spiritual foundation. It's a research-based, western society paradigm, objective-oriented evidence based practice. Which is great - but only part of what is necessary in the world.

Transpersonal means beyond human.

It implies a spiritual dimension beyond the physical dimension and necessitates a personal, experience-based, subjective, wholistic view of reality that meshes better with my own beliefs and world-view.

Transpersonal is not religious or denominational or institutional. It means embracing all expressions of spiritual experience and not being tied to any one view or book mode of spiritual learning.

It is very Gnostic in that regard.

 Soul friend coaching is based in the foundation of FITE FUAITE / EADAR-FHIGHTE.

My Animism is rooted in the foundation of Celtic belief that the world of Form and Spirit are interwoven together and inseparable since the very beginning. Spirit and Form have never been apart. The Seen and Unseen exist together, inseparable.

Feeling stuck sucks.

I know, I was there for YEARS. The worst part is the unmoving, unchanging, sameness of the situation - irregardless of the action you're taking!

Doing all the things and not having any discernible different result is demoralizing.

We can't make changes outside until we connect to the truth inside.

When we're stuck we can't get the juice or the energy required to shift our mindset. We can't do most of the heavy lifting on our own. It's hard. Stuck isn't conducive to movement.

The unending chore of living the same stuck routine life over and over again is a nightmare. The lack of fulfillment and tedious boredom of the stuck life is sooooo heavy. Nothing new to light your excitement - nothing to learn, no paths of growth. It's circling the drain, meaningless.

Stuck is cut off from the aliveness energy of life.

It's literal energetic cut off.

The energy required to keep the blocks of stuck in place means there is no juice to create new life and new experiences and new connections. There's no electricity to make moves in any area of life; career, health, relationships, hobbies and interests... it's the grey of monotony. It's a destructive cycle of depression - literally depressing energy keeping the painful feelings down and keeping the whole system stuck in stasis.

 There is a big difference between Nice and Kind

Being rooted in our own authentic soul Self brings an embrace of boundaries. Boundaries are necessary for the sovereignty and independence required to express authentic soul self in the world.

Nice is being pleasing - to the point of ignoring the reality of how you or others are being treated, even when harm is being done.

Kind is treating others like kin. Kin is complicated. Kin implies a connection that cannot be erased, even in cut off. Even if he doesn't like me and won't see me, my brother is still my brother.

With kin we can honour and respect the needs of all parties without pretending. Kin doesn't require agreement but kin is (hopefully) more able to support your right to live authentically and be loved exactly as you are.

I'm a word nerd and the root of respect is wild.

Respect for those we don't like or agree with is simply the willingness to see them. Respect is the ongoing willingness to CONTINUE seeing them through changes and growth.

Respect and kindness aren't earned. They are a capacity of your own character that you offer to others. They are an aspect of your choice and willingness to be in relationship with others and continue to see them fully, as they grow and change.

We decide how fully we see others. We decide in what ways we limit another's Being. Kindness and respect are a refusal of limits and are our gift of Presence to others.

Anamchara Coaching isn't nice. But Anamchara Coaching is kind.

As your Anamchara Coach, I honour and respect your unique sovereign path to authentic soul expression. As your Anamchara Coach, I hold your agenda and goals for wholeness and remind you when you forget.

Life can be hard.

Money + Career

Depending on the area of stuck in your life you can have multiple layers of suck happening at once.

Maybe your career is stuck and you feel trapped in a deadening job to pay your bills. You're too tired from the dread job to do the creative work you want to do or put energy towards the transition to a new income. Maybe you lack the confidence to ask for a raise or promotion or to set up an independent practice in your own way.

Money is often an area of stuck. There never seems to be enough. Maybe you've had a stream of bad luck or unexpected expenditures and you're feeling insecure and not financially safe in the world.

Many of us have experienced poverty trauma which has far-reaching impacts even long after the experience of poverty has passed. Money and debt can feel like a never-ending hole that we can't crawl out of.

Relationships

We're all looking for nurturing, supportive relationships. Some of us seem to only attract emotionally unavailable or unreliable partners. Our dating experiences don't result in anything meaningful or lasting. We meet cheaters and liars and are feeling increasingly desperate and needy of fulfilling partnership. This comes with a deep sense of a lack of safe ground and security, safety or trust in self and partners. You may be losing hope in ever finding a good partner.

Family of origin relationships can put a strain on even the most peaceful of lives. So many families lack basic support, respect or sovereignty for an individual to launch into the world in whole health and independence. We have difficulty showing up for family the way we want and need to because we are still entangled in all the childhood ties that bind us in shame and insecurity.

Body Image + Physical Health

We can have difficult relationship with our selves. Body image and dysmorphia issues, lack of self-respect and self-care for the body; balanced habits can be hard to maintain in the western world of beauty standards gone awry.

Personal health and well-being is a priority but not one that we're taught or given permission to put at the top of the list. Our bodies of ancient wisdom are left out and left for last when They are literally the key tool of Earth functioning.

Stress

Stress is ubiquitous in modern western society. If you're not super stressed out, you must not be trying hard enough. We can't find time for self or to unplug completely and recharge. So many people are so tired all the time. Running on empty and feeling low energy and not getting enough sleep or proper nutrition is a basis line of living.

How is your happiness and fulfillment level? There is a general feeling in modern society of long being unfulfilled - non-specifically, "Is this all there is?" kind of malignancy. 

This isn’t even an exhaustive list… life is a chore when we are not in connection with and guided by our Authentic Soul Self.

 Magick happens when we accept ourselves exactly as we are.

Change happens when we accept where we are.

Your relationship to money will shift, even if there's no outward change to finances. The magick of a perception shift is how it impacts decision making. Having more control over your choices and getting in touch with what finance means to you, emotionally shifts the way you view how money shows up in all of your relationships. This gets to the root of the finance problem instead of just bandaging the bleed.

Relationships can shift in an instant when we work on our own twisted ties and baggage. Attracting a partner who stays and is reliable is magnetic when we've done the work that blocked our sense of being valuable and worthy of an enriching relationship.

No relationship is happily ever after - but knowing your worth attracts someone worthy who is willing to do the partnership work required to make a relationship that thrives and nurtures both partners.

Shifting resistance in self will automatically shift close family dynamics. You are no longer playing the role that you were assigned which means the entire structure and dynamic of the family shifts to accommodate your new expression of self.

This can be rocky.

Establishing boundaries and supporting self-worth requires others in your life to adjust behaviours because the old pattern doesn't work anymore. Some issues may resolve naturally and some may resolve because problematic people exit your life.

Some people will be unable to grow in response to your expansion. Their vacancy is an invitation to others who are energetically matching your presence in the world.

The Anamchara Coaching relationship will change your life depending on the level of attention and commitment to the process you are willing to give, and how open to the experience you are willing to be. Coaching is an investment in your longing, in your dreams and your right to live this life to the fullness that you are willing to accept.

If you're interested please book in for a free 30 minute 'vibe check". This is a chemistry check to make sure we click. This is deeply personal work and trust is required, so we need to be compatible.