The Center of the Holy Sh!t

Behold, the emotional trigger.

The kernal of offence and internet swarms, Shadow Work intelligence is a skill and responsibility our society has mostly misunderstood and failed to deliver in our education - much to our loss and detriment.

Learning to wield this Shadow staff of wisdom and understanding will transform your life and all your relationships, forever… but first, you need to get super uncomfortable.

What is the Shadow?

The Shadow are the pieces of our rejected self. We reject the pieces of ourselves that feel shame, guilt, regret and we refuse to own the feelings or their fallout. We blame our feelings on others. This is our greatest source of powerlessness.

No one else is responsible for our feelings. Ever.

AND we’re never upset for the reasons we think… but we’ll get there.

Our emotional reactions are the barometer of whether a situation is for us or not. If we feel total peace in a situation - that situation is not our sh!t. If we are emotionally reactive - it is ours. It’s never about right or wrong, good or bad - it’s always about “How is this for me? What is here for me to know? What information about myself is in these reactions?”

We have never been taught emotional intelligence, so don’t get too wrapped up in self-recrimination for getting it wrong all this time. We all get it wrong - until we don’t. By the end of this Shadow Work time together, you’ll be well on your way to the freedom of never mistaking another for being responsible for your reactions.

When we have a feeling response to another’s words or actions - we want to blame them. THEY made us feel a kind of way. It’s immediate and easy and seems obvious to assign blame to another for being however they’re being that made you feel however you feel. Welp. It’s you. It’s always you. You’re the problem, it’s you.

Intention is a thing.

I know a lot of you are getting hot under the collar already and that’s fine. Let’s talk for a minute about Jerks and Intention.

Some people are jerks. Assholes live.

Some people intend to be mean and say and do things to hurt you on purpose. They want to say the mean, hurtful things and in those cases - you’re still responsible for your feelings. Oh, see - you thought I was going to let you off the hook? Nope. Your feelings are always your responsibility.

The vast majority of Shadows are triggered by innocent comments and actions by people that prick us in exactly the right Shadow spot, because that’s how Creation is set up for healing. We will never look at our wounds and blocks and misconceptions of ourselves and the World unless they’re poked and cause us discomfort. Most of us spend our lives trying to make other people responsible for our discomfort. Doing that throws away the opportunity to reclaim power and freedom. There is nothing that can stop you when there is no one outside yourself that can make you feel bad about anything.

Because no one outside you is ever making you feel anything. It’s always you.

Storytime

This very moment, because the Universe is the Universe with it’s perfect sense of humour and timing, I just had an uncomfortable conversation with a beloved friend who stayed the night. I love Dave (name changed). He is a beloved friend that I have known for a long time and is one of my favourite people in the world - but sometimes we butt heads.

Dave is a drinker and I have an uncomfortable relationship with alcohol. My parents were alcoholics and my childhood traumas always smelled of drink. Dave likes to drink and his drinking is normally none of my business. Last night my partner, myself and Dave had a few drinks together. Dave had too many to drive, and enough that he made himself sick. He was throwing up all night and has spent the day on the couch with a hangover.

Talking earlier today, I said that this didn’t look or feel like fun. He agreed. I said it doesn’t look like it’s good for him. He agreed. We left it. This is his life and what he chooses is his to choose.

Just now we had a further chat about the specifics of his health today and I suggested the drinks he had last might be a factor. His reaction was swift and explosive.

He’s mad that I’m judging him. My suggestion that he’s responsible for his own feelings was met with rejection and accusations.

That’s where it is right now. Dave is responsible for his own feelings about what was said and what he’s made it mean. I’m responsible for my own feelings of discomfort and hurt. My feelings are not his fault. I have to sit with my feelings and feel them and process what information they have about me, the situation and what I’m making it mean about myself and the world.

Dave can do that too, if he wants. If Dave would rather know what’s true instead of being a blameless victim, Dave can feel his own feelings and process what he’s making them mean about himself and the world.

This is hard, courageous work. It takes humility, vulnerability and trust. It is the work that everyone HAS to do if you want to heal your Shadow shit.

This work will change your life.

The Practice